Talk about watching the paint dry. If tortoises had moved this slowly way back when, Aesop would have been in the unemployment line down at the acropolis. This honker bills itself as a suspense/action. There’s about as much suspense here as there is in those refrigerated drawers down at the morgue: It’s a corpse. We know how it got here and we know who done it. Let’s go to the house. Suspense? What suspense? Even if you have no functioning mental apparatus, your big toe could figure this thing out in the first three minutes, and this bugger is to action what an ice-age glacier is to a babbling brook on a fine summer day.
Very Euro in its look and feel. Great shots of big Italian valleys and little hamlets, but awkward use of garish yellow, green and red screens for that edgy European look. Trite dialogue and a poor story. Let me just say that if I’d presented a story this lame, with its pilfered Pygmalion premise, and shot more full of holes than Billy the Kid’s practice tin can, to my writer’s critique group for honest consideration, I’d need therapy for at least a decade after they got through with me, and I’d be forced out of the group for lack of originality.
A real yawner. Avoid this one like a pile on the path.
Luke Saucier 12/29/2010
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